A lady gets pulled over and is asked to perform a sobriety test. The test is just a formality. This woman is so wasted, she questions the gender of the male cop! She can barely walk out of her car. Nest, she forgets the alphabet and then assaults the police officer!
Can't make this stuff up...
Showing posts with label women jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women jokes. Show all posts
Friday, March 09, 2012
Friday, August 11, 2006
The Blond and the Garage!
A blonde woman came into a garage and asked a mechanic for a seven-hundred-ten.
They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic? asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710 cap!
Author Unknown
****************************
These have to be the best apartments in Maryland! Baltimore Real Estate has more information. You can also visit this web site: http://www.gebhartproperties.com/Baltimore_Apartments.html, or call one of the leasing consultants at, (410) 666-1340.
They offer:
1. full sized washers and dryers in every apartment!
2. valet trash PICKUP from your door M-F except hoildays.
3. an Olympic size pool.
4. a fitness facility that offers cardio, universal machines and free weights.
5. recently resurfaced tennis courts.
6. a gym.
7. a full size basketball court.
Makes you want to pick up and move...
They all looked at each other, and the Mechanic? asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710 cap!
Author Unknown
****************************
These have to be the best apartments in Maryland! Baltimore Real Estate has more information. You can also visit this web site: http://www.gebhartproperties.com/Baltimore_Apartments.html, or call one of the leasing consultants at, (410) 666-1340.
They offer:
1. full sized washers and dryers in every apartment!
2. valet trash PICKUP from your door M-F except hoildays.
3. an Olympic size pool.
4. a fitness facility that offers cardio, universal machines and free weights.
5. recently resurfaced tennis courts.
6. a gym.
7. a full size basketball court.
Makes you want to pick up and move...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
PMS Joke
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house
knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is
BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured
it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the
#&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for
the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID
light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE
THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES
OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON
WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .
bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house
knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is
BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured
it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the
#&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for
the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID
light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE
THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES
OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON
WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .
WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch th! e game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
***A friend sent me this email. I don't know who wrote it, but if you do...be sure to leave the info. I'll give them the credit and post a link to their site.***
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch th! e game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
***A friend sent me this email. I don't know who wrote it, but if you do...be sure to leave the info. I'll give them the credit and post a link to their site.***
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