Friday, November 04, 2005

Mean Moms

Someday when my children are old enough to

understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will

tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you

enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom,

and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you

discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to make you go pay for the

bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I

stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours

while you cleaned your room, a job that should have

taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,

disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must

learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the

responsibility for your actions even when the

penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say

NO when I knew you would hate me for it.

Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm

glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to

understand the logic that motivates parents, you

will tell them.

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the

meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids

ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal,

eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a

Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you

can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was

different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all

times! . You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She

had to know who our friends were, and what we were

doing with them. She insisted that if we said we

would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an

hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve

to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We

had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to

cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash

and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie

awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the

whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time

we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had

eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really


Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn

when they drove up. They had to come up to the door

so she could meet them. While everyone else could

date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until

we were 16.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of

things other kids experienced. None of us have ever

been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's

property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all

her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated,

honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean

parents just like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today.

It just doesn't have enough mean moms!


(And Their Kids!!!)

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