Monday, December 19, 2005

In The Beginning....

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man
said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "And as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and
unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a
fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."
then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried
before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied,
And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into
cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created

Thought for the day ......There is more money being spent on breast
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. If
don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer
people laughing in the world.

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